So I had a great blog written already and somehow instead of publishing it, it was deleted? Am I that Technologically incompetent? Weird.
Anyways, here is my attempt to resurrect my thoughts.
We have been in transition for almost 2 years now, trying to figure out what next season of life that change is bringing to us. This year has been difficult for all of us in the family and as the year draws to a close, reflection is in order. God has been reworking us in His own ways, and certainly not how we would have wanted, but that’s not how it usually works anyway.
I’m reminded of my daughter’s book, ‘Oh, The Places You’ll Go!’ by Dr. Suess. It is amazing how random books can speak to your situation. In the book, the author tells the wanderer (and indirectly the reader) that throughout life you will face ups and downs, cruel and kind people, and situations that will throw you for a loop. Then there’s the Waiting Place, where people are just waiting…
‘Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite, or waiting around for Friday nights or waiting, perhaps for their Uncle Jake, or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.
The next page continues with, ‘NO! That’s not for you! Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying.’ My personality would always fight this stage of waiting with abhorance and total disdain- what ‘lazy’ people would sit around and wait?!
I’ve been in seasons of waiting and transition before, although, it didn’t seem to be this long. Preparing to move to West Palm Beach from Michigan in 1995 was through tremendous pain and loss, and knowing a need to completely start life over- a blank slate. Right now though, we wait for change and circumstances that we don’t see yet. It can be extremely difficult and yet beautiful at the same time, a total paradox. You find yourself in a place you don’t want to be, and yet know that things are being worked in you that are needed, and somehow better than before. You want to hate where you are at, but can’t, because you’re becoming a better person through it. No one likes trials, but especially with all that has happened in the past 2 years, I can only muster hope that the purpose is for God’s glory.
My birthday is this Sunday, which also marks one year from my grandmother passing away, and today marks 6 months for Tom, my father-in-law’s passing as well. Loss and grief can be crippling at times and also so human, indescribable pain and yet feeling as humans have felt for thousands of years- this is part of life, whether we like it or not.
You certainly don’t have to like difficult times, but you can try to make the most of them. I wish I could write this and tell you that I’ve handled this season of change with a grateful attitude and smile on my face, but that would be a total lie. Some days are good, and some days I’m just barely hanging on. Again, how many of us can claim memories of the same? Somehow the art of being human includes all of these emotions. Is it beautiful? I suppose on the artist and the viewer’s interpretation. Out of great pain and suffering can come tremendous courage and strength one never knew they had.
In the meantime, the Waiting Room is my temporary place of rest. I say ‘rest’ because somehow, it is a place of rest and reflection and growth- at least right now. For seeds to be planted deep. For tears and loneliness. Isolation and no answers. It is winter here- (and I don’t mean a Florida winter, a NORTHERN winter).
But I’ve seen Spring. It does come. And It is very beautiful. The sun does come up again, even after a long, long, gray, winter.
